Peter's Ordained
and Ruler of the World Page
Part of the PETER FOR RULER OF THE WORLD network.
Ordained
BROTHERS, I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! And at the end of the light was a man, and the man did say to you... "Wake the fuck up, you're late for work!"Thats right people, I am now an ordained Reverend from the Universal Life Church.
Oh God! Help us all!
Wait, wait, let me finish. I can now marry people, perform baptismals and absolve people of sin.So you can do everything that God can do?
And some more! Actully no, I can't smite people unfortunatly. As everyone knows thats where the real money is.Ok Pete, where are you going with this?
I am going to the pearly gates man. I'll be chatting it up with St. Pete as you come begging to be let in, but I won't let you in. I'll throw rocks at you and call you names, then I'll watch you burn in hell for all eternity.Hey did I mention I can absolve people of ALL the sin's they've commited? I really hope that includes the sins I'm about to commit.
Really... absolve sin eh?
Ya... what this.... God Fucking Damit! Jesus Christ!.... blasphemy right... zzzzzap.... I'm absolved! Here watch again.... My neighbor's wife is hot, I'd really love to throw it in her.... oh thats like commandment 7 or 8 or one of those high numbered ones right there, but watch this.... zzzzzap.... I'm absolved!Can you absolve me of sin?
I could, but I won't.Ok so this is some tax scam right?
I don't pay taxes now, so why would I bother trying to.... oh wait, ya I pay taxes... humm tax scam hey... I never thought of that.Do you have a congregation?
No, but I only need 3 people to be able to form one. But then I gotta appoint a board, or we vote on it or something, and we gotta collect money and report to Revenue Canada, thats a lot of work, so I'm not accepting people into my concregation at this time.So what does this have to do with you being ruler of the world?
Pretty much nothing, I just thought being ordained was cool. But if you do vote for me for ruler of the world I promise to absolve everyone who votes for me of a single sin. So vote now, only 800,000 sins to be absolved.Voting for Peter for ruler of the world in no way commits you to his church, religion, beliefs or acts of God. If voting for Peter is an act of sin to your religion, Peter will immediatly absolve you of that sin at the time of voting and still absolve you of one more sin once he become ruler of the world.
Pete you are one amazing guy, where do I sign up for making you ruler of the world?
Well right here of course. Fill in your name and your email address below along with any comments and well wishes and you will be added to our database.
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